Issue #1 Article#5
Grounding A reflection by healer,
teacher and visionary Pietro Abela
Looking into the eyes of a new-born baby there is a profound sense of the
child “not-yet-being-here”, of having not come into the full realization that
they are in a place different from where they have come. In the first few weeks
of a baby's life there is the feeling that they seem to be still coming in to
“land”, that they don’t actually see the world in a purely physical way, but
see the colors around you. It is as if there is an acclimatization process
taking place.
If trauma occurs at an early age before the child can walk, talk, and begin the
process of taking care of their own needs, and they have no other way of
protecting themselves from the effects of the trauma, the child will make attempts
to return to Spirit from whence he came. In so doing the child will lose his
grounding in an attempt to leave his body, and return to the place where
"this" didn't happen; - to “what was.” In the attempt to return to
the past, they are unable to be in the present. By not being in the present
they are attempting to avoid the trauma and its full impact.
Leaving the body is the first unconscious attempt to cope. It is numbing,
distracting and disorienting. There can even be a sense of ecstasy from being
out of the body, similar to the exhilaration experienced from drug and alcohol
use. Most addictions are up-dated attempts to leave the body, and the ecstatic
state of the “high” is often a mirroring of the childhood attempt to escape
through out-of-the-body experience. If this pattern of coping is successful -
meaning that it lessens or temporarily dulls the effects of the trauma – it
often becomes the choice of coping, and will be used and re-used in later years
as the first reaction throughout the person’s life. It is a reaction, or an
automatic choice of coping that works similarly to the sympathetic nervous
system response which stimulates a fight/flight response if danger approaches.
So losing grounding is an energetic “let's-get-out-of-here” response which is
an automatic behavior, one that we will most likely use in crisis as people
tend to respond in ways that are habitual rather than conscious.
Many wise sages of ancient times have stated in their own vernacular "if
you need change do the opposite to what you are doing.” In this case, the
opposite to losing your grounding would be to stand your ground. Most often as
adults we would cope very well with the same traumas we suffered in childhood.
We have more experience, greater self-reliance and other developed resources
available to us that children don’t have in their early years. If we were to
somehow go beyond this first “let’s-get-out-of-here” reaction and consciously
choose a second response to stand our ground, we may, to our surprise, discover
we are now bigger and stronger than the trauma.
To be grounded is to have full awareness of all that is occurring in the
present. When someone is grounded, it means that they are present to you and to
the situation at hand. Having this level of awareness allows relevant choices
to be made for the current time and situation. Being grounded and in the
moment, can be an experience of ecstasy. A feeling of time standing still. Of
being aware of everything there is and being conscious of your connection and relationship
to all there is, of emanating from one and the same Source.
To be ungrounded then is being somewhere other than the present. When not
present it is difficult to make choices for the current situation.
In reality we all lose our grounding many times every day. There are many
situations that occur in our day that can remind us of events that took place
in our past without us ever realizing it. The person walking towards you may
remind you of someone who scared you when you were a child. Even though he is
not that person he may resemble the scary man. He has the same black moustache,
he combs his hair in a similar fashion and happens to wear a suit like the
person from the past. Thus the extent of the similarities, but enough to cause
a temporary internal confusion which stimulates the nervous system for flight,
causing an energetic loss of grounding so that you are no longer present.
If we don’t become aware of losing our grounding, it will continue occurring
for us as the first reaction. Becoming aware of this leads to conscious
behavior, which entails conscious choices to be enacted rather than reactive
coping behaviors. The key to this is coming to know yourself. What do you
experience when you stand your ground and are grounded? You may feel solid, a
tree-like sense of your feet being firmly rooted to the ground, a feeling of
connection and balance inside.
It is strongly recommended that you come to intimately know what balance is for
you. To know this allows you to be able to identify when you are not in
balance. To be ungrounded is to experience being too much in your head, of
having mind-chatter, of disorientation, of being to preoccupied with the
outside world, of having little body awareness, even of bumping into things.
There are as many examples of ungrounding as there are ungrounded people. As it
is important to know our own personal balance, it is equally important to come
to recognize what ungroundedness feels like for us. With this comparative
knowledge there is the opportunity to address it.
How do we address our ungroundedness? This is very individual. It is important
to find ways that work for you personally. Becoming aware of your body in that
moment is key. Awareness may be achieved through moving your body; dancing,
touching yourself, stamping your feet – any means to remind you of your
physicality. You could come into remembrance of your breathing and do breathing
exercises. Meditation might work for you.
You could also address the source of the problem and locate the area within you
that is traumatized and chooses to escape from the situation. This comes down
to helping this part of yourself to feel safe. If you detect unsafety in the
stomach, maybe rubbing the stomach can help calm that part of yourself, giving
verbal self-assurance, saying to that part, “right now, I’m in charge and all
is well, and if we ever need help we can call on all of the resources we know
to help you feel safe.” The real question is; if you knew a child who was
traumatized how would you help him or her feel safe? Now apply that to
yourself, and watch as you begin to re-gain your grounding.
Prevention is worth more than the cure. Becoming intimate with yourself is the
key. To know your sense of balance and to consistently check that within
yourself gives us less potential of being triggered and greater possibility of
retaining ourselves. In doing so, we become in-tune with ourselves,
self-observant and therefore present to our needs and the needs of others. If
there are times that you notice yourself “losing it”, so to speak, rather than
being present, you can make the necessary choice to do something alternative to
the first reaction, and that may be to stand your ground, rather than
“choosing” to lose your grounding.
When you learn to be present for yourself in this way you are creating a place
of safety, for both yourself and for others too. In so doing you are
demonstrating an alternative means of coping. Others will feel the safety of
being in your presence. So the grounded person becomes the model for safety,
functional ways of coping, and an example for others to emulate